Emergency Religion Blitz

We're having a slight religious emergency here in Casa Gringa. Long-time readers of this blog may know that I was raised Catholic. Like most US Catholics, I tend to bend all the rules to suit my purpose. I figure God doesn't need me in church every sunday, moaning and groaning about my problems all the time. There are others who need His help more. I figure let them take up the old guys time. I just chime in every now and then, for something big. Figure I'm OK if I stick to minding the 10 commandments as much as possible. There's no commandment that says you must go to church on sunday, so I figure that's optional. Besides, didn't the scribes of that list tend to pray on Friday nights and Saturdays? Anyway, I digress.

The upshot of this is that by default, by daughter has only seen the inside of a church house 3 times in her young life. Only once, though, was for a full mass. The other two times were when we snuck in at Easter before the Easter egg hunt, pretending we'd been there all along. The one full time was her baptism. Now, that doesn't really bother me much, since I figure my God would never damn my girl to hell just b/c her mother's a lazy catholic. BUT....there's a certain appointment coming up this Saturday.

THE DAMN CATHOLIC SCHOOL INTERVIEW!!!!

It occurred to me, that perhaps T should be at least familiar with the sign of the cross, given that the dumb interview will be with the principal and THE PRIEST! Crap! So, like some religious zealot, I've been giving T a crash course in doing the sign of the cross. I've tried cheering to it, singing to it, comparing it to "Head Shoulders Knees and Toes", but not. You get the picture.

Hopefully, if they quiz her on this, she'll be somewhat familiar. I'm just hoping she doesn't rat me out with the priest ...like if the sneaky guy asks if she likes to go to church, with T responding, "What's that?"...with me turning red in the chair. Oy!

The upside of sticking her in Catholic school for a while, is that she can get all the religious guidance any kid could possibly need, and take her heathen mother off the hook. I remember from my days, they're always dragging those poor kids to mass during the school day. Hopefully, they won't sicken the kids to death of church like the did us. I've actually made a calculation...

If I add together the number of times I've been to mass during my school years and during that short time in college that Ceci and I started going, (hoping to meet a hot guy when we learned that you now hold hands during the Lord's Prayer), and compare that to how many Sunday's there are, I don't think I have to start going again until I'm in my sixties, with nothing better to do. I'm still working off a churchgoing-credit!!

So, please say a prayer that we (or I) survive this blasted interview!